Let me lay it out first. I don’t get along with my father. Hate him? I’m most probably there already. Why? Because of the three siblings,me being the eldest, I was the favourite punching bag, sort of a disappointment in my father’s eyes. Our father never provided for us, my mom did. Mom took over the role of both parents.My dad was a lazy bum, a chronic gambler, embezzler ,welsher, never gave my mother a single cent although we discovered he was earning five figures from his most recent job and we found out we have a half sister.
And when he needed money, he’d pester, bug even threaten my mom to fork him over some cash he owed someone or something he need to buy.Whenever we receive care packages,he’d hoard most of the stuff,even those which were intended for somebody else-he’d keep saying he needed this,he needed that badly but he’ll just give it away to his ‘friends’,on the pretense of his ‘generosity’.There is simply nothing too low for him just to get his way.I remember him beating me up because I would sign the withdrawal slip to my savings account back in high school.I only had around P 250.00 back then and I wouldn’t part with it.I always told myself,I am never going to be like my father,ever.
But what really ticks me off if people compare me to my father. The ‘like father,like son’ mentality stuck with them that they really think I will be like my father.Stay away from him, don’t trust him,don’t believe a word he says..he’s the son,just like his father.
Strangely enough,the people who do trust me,is the people who never knew my family or me.
They just stuck out their hand and said’ I think I can trust this guy,his word and honor is important to him.’And I never broke that trust in return.My family don’t trust them at all because they don’t know them the way I do.
My mom has this thing-she puts up with my dad just to shut him up,she calls the shots,makes the decisions.Unfortunately,my wife took my mom as a role model-
thinking what my mom was doing was right,so she does the same to me.
The result-borderline paranoia.She’ll ramble,she’ll threaten to leave,throws dares and challenges in my face and I would refuse to go down to her gutter mentality level.
Don’t get me wrong,I don’t wimp out.I can fight back if I wanted to. Problem is I fight no holds barred. I refuse to fight not because I’m afraid but because I would not be able stop the fighting. And then there’s the casualties.All of this were born out 40 years of mistrust and disappointments just because someone failed to fulfill his obligations to his family.And now I have to live with the sins of my father.
Like father, like son? Like Hell. I’d put a bullet in my own head first rather to become him.
